I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize