he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
