bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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