I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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