What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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