Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
