cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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