I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
