I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I think people are normalizing furries
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
