In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize