direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
