I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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