shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
