just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
