New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
