In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
