sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
