look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
