I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
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I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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