I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
