how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
