You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
