Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
