is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
