At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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