There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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