No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
