all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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