went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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