I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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