oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
