4 words: hood of his car
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I fill condoms, not promises.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
