In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
