NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
