if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
