explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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