Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
