i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
