There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
