Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
