i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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