Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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