you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
