i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
