Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
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You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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