woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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