i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
