the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
