I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
