Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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