She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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