meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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