The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
