Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
