Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
