Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
