I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
