Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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