there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
