Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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