they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
