I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
