i just wanna soil my oats bro
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
